We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
