So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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