Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
