After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How external is "for external use only"?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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