why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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