were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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