i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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