Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
