Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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