You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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