How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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