Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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