Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
