im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
