Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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