He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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