Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
