bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
