he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So vagazzling was a success
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
