I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
