I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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