listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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