She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
