So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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