Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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