Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
