apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
