you didnt know i had herpes?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
