so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hippo gnu deer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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