The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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