grandma shit on top of the toilet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think i got beer on your cat.
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