He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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