Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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