I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
