You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
