New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
