Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
