I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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