i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
