It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
