i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
