White coat. Heels.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
