he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
