It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
