Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
