Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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