You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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