I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
