Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
