Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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