How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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