why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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