He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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