she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
