he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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