I wannas sexs uuuuu
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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