but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
