I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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