I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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