sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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