Can Purell be used as lube?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
