He had one of those small greek statue penises
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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