he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
