can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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