Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
